5. The Attitude of Love

James 2:8
“If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing right.”

There is a fundamental instinct that ties all creatures together. Victor Hugo, writer of the epic novel Les Miserables, calls it, ‘the mysterious instinct of self preservation‘. It was this instinct that prompts us to avoid obvious danger, that prompts us to make the best decisions for ourselves, that makes us defensive over what we own and what we have. The ones who sacrifice their lives for their friends, for strangers; the ones who puts others first above themselves, they manage to rise above this instinct to not just look after their own interest, but guard the interest of others.

James didn’t just write, “Love your neighbour.” He said, “As yourself,” to provide a reference on how much we need to love. In other words, he’s saying, “As much as you look after your own interest, look after others as well.”

We sometimes confuse love with an emotional thing. Biblical love is not an emotional thing. Agape love is beyond emotion. The kind of love that Jesus demonstrated to the sick, to the poor, even to his enemies, was love borne by a decision. The only guys Jesus really went after were the Pharisees because they twisted the truth, and Jesus was truth’s greatest defender.

We need to know that to love someone doesn’t mean that we do not offend them. Jesus often rebuked those closest to him, and Peter got it the worst, from being called a guy with no faith to being called Satan. Sometimes a leader needs to do what he doesn’t want to do: Rebuke and receive rebuke. When we rebuke, we need to do it out of love, and not the kind of emotional love, but with agape love. With genuine concern for the other person. Jesus did it to Peter. Likewise, if there are people out to undermine the truth, we need to rebuke with force, like Jesus did to the Pharisees, for we need to protect and fight for truth. And as leaders, in work or in church, we need to be ready to receive rebuke. I’ve gone through in both instances. It really grates against your pride, but we need to accept it, when we know we’re wrong.

6. The attitude of Service

Gal 5:13: For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.

We must be willing to serve before we lead and be as good a servant as you are a leader.  Service requires an attitude of humility, and the sacrifice of our own goals. Service is the path to leadership and greatness and we must always be ready to contribute.

It’s really easier said than done. If you think about it, service isn’t something we do. It’s something we are. Many people say, “You know, it doesn’t matter how much you serve, as long as your heart is right. If you heart is not right, you shouldn’t serve.”

It’s a fair call. But tell me, when is our heart right?

What I’m saying here is we need to stop coming up with excuses after excuses not to work for His kingdom. Two kinds of destructive interpretation of service is this: “I am not ready to serve.” And “I’m ready to serve, but sorry, not that.” The first one is destructive because it becomes an excuse. If you’re not ready to do something at your work, you quickly learn how to do it. If you don’t know what to present to the managers, you work the weekend to come up with it. So why, in God’s work, do we think it’s an acceptable excuse to say, “Sorry, can’t serve, too bad. Not ready.”? It might sound like a very holy reason to say, “Wow, I need to set my heart right before I commit to any service if not I would feel like a hypocrite.” But is that your reason, or simply your get out of jail free card? Do you ponder upon the question of holiness and purity when you are out with your colleagues in a pub on a Saturday night and not waking up for church on Sunday?

It’s not to say we should serve when we’re indulging in fornication and sin, which does amount to hypocrisy and we all know how Jesus looks at hypocrites. But to call yourself unworthy to serve is denying the liberty he has granted us. We are free so that we can serve people through our freedom. If we don’t, then we’re still bound to the chains of selfishness and self interest.

The second excuse is as bad, to pick and choose your service. Be faithful in the small things, and he will give you bigger things. Jesus’s last lesson on earth was that of servanthood. He washed the feet of his disciples. This is a service reserved for the lowest servants. If the Lord of Lords and King of Kings does not think it unworthy of him to go so low, who are we? Mere creations, small yet, at times, with ridiculously enlarged egos.

7. The Attitude of Self Control

Proverbs 25:28: Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.

This is probably one of the toughest attitude to achieve. When we are driving, especially in KL, usually our characteristic comes out. Anger. Impatience. The mild mannered man becomes crazy and wails on an old lady who cuts him for the third time in a beat up 120Y Datsun.

It’s not easy, and it’s not a coincidence that the Bible lists Self Control as a fruit of the spirit, along with Love, Faith and Kindness. Self control sometimes might seem beyond our control, but with the help of His Spirit, it can be done.

I think this is where the continuous renewing of one’s mind need to occur. Many things we do and say, is because in the battle in our minds, we have already lost. Lust, greed, anger; things like these makes a person act out of character, and it’s certainly fearful when we cannot control how we act. Before we reach the point in our mind, we need to decide: We will not entertain it. And pray that the spirit will help us.

8. The Attitude of Suffering

1 Peter 4:1: Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin

This seems like a strange attitude to have but Peter tells us that we’ll need to ARM ourself with the attitude of suffering. If our body suffers, sin loses its power. The bible says the flesh and spirit is always in contention (Gal 5:17). Our fleshly desires also hunger to be filled, and when we deprive it, it weakens. Like Jesus, not only do we not mind pain, but we need to recognise suffering as a growth development. Not just go through it, but learn from it. The saying, “No pain no gain” is certainly true in many respects in our Christian walk.

In John 16:33, it says, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

In other words, Jesus assures us a lot of good things. But he assures us of the bad things to come as well in this world. That’s why I’m always very careful when people talk about prosperity gospel or the word faith movement. I’m uncomfortable with the notion that everyone loved by God will be rich, will be blessed and will have a comfortable life. It’s not a biblical teaching, it’s a human teaching. Jesus said that he has not come to bring peace to the world (the peace on the earth, goodwill to men part in Luke 2:14 is a mistranslation). Jesus says that he will bring peace to those who are in Him. Peace, regardless of the world’s condition or life’s tribulations.

The apostles suffered for their faith, martyred, and fed to lions. If they had the notion of prosperity gospel then, many would have left the faith. But the early Christians understood suffering and denial of the world. After all, Jesus has already warned them that the world will hate them for they first hated Him. They knew the disclaimer. They signed the memorandum of understanding.

Lastly on suffering, a personal lesson. I used to think the things I go through are nothing, when compared to the world’s suffering in hunger, death and disease. I would say, this is not a problem, stop your pity party. In some respect, that’s good as we see the larger picture and how our ’suffering’ stand in relation to ‘real suffering’. But it was being transferred to my relationship with others, and making it difficult to emphatise with people when they go through issues.

Do not demean your trials, no matter how small or large they are. Every trial has a lesson. James 1:2 says, consider it joy to go through trials of MANY kinds. Not just the tough, world-changing kind. But the smaller ones as well, the ones you normally flick aside and leave it to fester. Confront the small things! One of the worst counselling method for people in need of help is saying, “Hey, I’ve gone through that before, no problem one.”, or “Hey, working late? That’s life, man. Welcome to the real world. If I can do it, you can do it.” or “Stressed out at work? Man, you haven’t heard my story yet, blah blah blah”

Newsflash: Nobody is interested in whether we can or cannot do it or how super we are in handling stress compared to them. Stop aggrandizing ourselves and start emphatising with others! Remember the measure of faith in each of us is different and God give us all different levels of suffering and pain we can go through. Do not think that just because God grants us the ability to go through certain things, others can go through it as well.

Romans 12:3: For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

What we need to do is to learn from suffering and become better in what we do. We need not worry where God puts us, in which country, which company, because in every stage of our life, we’re going through lessons. Once we’re ready, God plants us in another stage, in another place, for His glorification, not ours.

We’ve gone through the 7 principles of attitudes, and following that, Rev Alun Davies went into what he calls the 8 power attitudes of Life. What are the attitudes that we need to carry, to have success in our ministry, our work and our family?

1. The Attitude of Faith

2 Corinthians 4:13-14

It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.”With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence.

In life, you’ll meet people who can sell almost everything, or think they can. They have the gift of the gab, a degree in BS as we call it, and yes, sometimes you’ll be taken for a ride. Do you need to believe in a product to sell it? Not really. Maybe once, twice, thrice you can get away with it, but it will soon come back to you.

I once manned a booth at a technology fair and was heading the location based services products. Our company had a raw product that was no where ready for market, but our marketing folks (being an enthusiastic lot) had promised many customers that it was. When confronted and asked questions, I simply told the truth: That while the product had potential, I didn’t believe it was market ready yet. My marketing team didn’t appreciate my lack of faith in the product, but I believed the customer appreciated the fact that I didn’t try to BS them into something I didn’t believe in.

In our lives, at times, we need to have faith in the church, the pastors and their leadership and relationship with God. Sometimes, we say we love Jesus but we don’t like the church. How can you love him without loving the bride? How can we say we worship him when all we do is complain about how useless the church is, how lousy the board is, how meaningless the activities are? I used to be somewhat indifferent about the church’s direction, but now, I’m more defensive over any attempts to undermine our leadership. In the post-modern era, our faith will be challenged. Truth will be at stake in the new warfare. We need to have faith in God and in our leaders.

2. The Attitude of Thankfulness

Col 3:15: “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.”

“Thank you.” is probably one of the first few words we learn. It’s one of those phrases, when spoken sincerely, that can change someone’s day and make it better. A simple thank you, and a smile, a sign of gratefulness to whoever can change a person’s attitude. We need to determine to express thankfulness everyday and search for opportunities to say thank you.

One of the most negative attitude we can have is when we express gratefulness to certain groups of people and not to others. When it’s our boss, or someone important, we are ever grateful. When it comes to our peers or someone like a waiter, a driver, we do not practice the same thankfulness for help rendered. We say, “Ah, he’s just doing his job.”

One practice that I do is when an issue is resolved at work or something gets done, I make sure management knows exactly who was involved. I name them in the email and I thank them for the great job they do, it does not matter how low rank or high rank they are. From there, the management will have visibility over what they do.

3. The Attitude of Kindness

Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Being kind is not just in action, it’s in words. This is a life transforming attitude, especially when shown to undeserving people, to powerless people, to strangers. It’s like an armour against bitterness, when we place kindness into everything that we do in our lives.

The term honesty is the best policy is often taken out of context. In many contexts, honesty is really not the best policy! Ever heard the term, “I’ll be brutally honest.” These are often words to begin an argument, and often a cloak for “I don’t like your guts, so I’m going to make you look bad.” In the Bible, references to honesty is in regards of truth. We need to pause and ask ourselves, when we’re being honest to someone, is that truth, or our opinion? In many instances, we should just shut up and keep our opinions to ourselves. But the thing is, everyone wants to voice an ‘opinion’. If it’s not a conviction, then just let it be! Many ministers, colleagues, cell mates have been hurt silently by ‘brutally honest opinions’ about them. And shutting up means not telling others about your opinion too, because it’s a guarantee that it will come back to the person referred to.

Instead of simply being honest in our ‘opinions’, we need to learn to speak the truth in love.

Proverbs 8:7: ” My mouth speaks what is true, for my lips detest wickedness.”

The words we say must always be covered in kindness and tact. We need to discern if this is the right thing to say, to think before we blabber.

Proverbs 15:28: “The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil.”

And finally, in Proverbs 21:23: ” He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.”

The conclusion: Think before we speak. No one likes a blabber mouth!

4. The Attitude of Generosity

1 Timothy 6:18: “Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.”

Jesus was generous in his ministry. He always made time for the children, for the widowed, for the poor. He turned water into the wine and made it even more than was necessary, overflowing the wine. He multiplied food for the multitudes and at the end, there was so much extra. Jesus wasn’t a God of the Enough. He is a God of Abundance. He’s in the business of surplus. He simply overflows with generosity. 2 Cor 9:11 says :

You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion,

Wow! Rich! But the requirement is that we must be generous first. It’s so weird that God often turns our philosophy inside out. We would think, make us rich so that we become generous. God says, “Be Generous, and I will make you rich.” However small you have, be generous with it. The more we hold on to money, the more it will fly away. Proverbs 23:5:

Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky like an eagle.

And Ecclesiastes 5:10:

Whoever loves money never has money enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income.

We say cleanliness is next to godliness. According to Psalm 37:21, the godly gives generously.

We must not define ourselves with what we are NOT, instead what we are. We are not what we DID NOT do, but rather we are defined with what we do. Have we been generous? Instead of saying, “I did not waste my money in drugs etc”, say, “I used my money for the poor.” Instead of saying, “I didn’t waste my time going to that pub and getting stone drunk,” say “I used my time to help out in the orphanage and minister to the elderly.”

Finally, how do we make a group generous? A cell, a church, a team at your workplace?

Give them a cause bigger than themselves and an opportunity to contribute to it.

After the disagreement, Paul and Silas headed to Syria and Celicia (Acts 15:40-41), while Barnabas took John Mark and sailed to Cyprus. Barnabas and John Mark went home! Did they quit? No, Barnabas took the gospel back home, which really underlines his character. While he loved God, he also loved his people and his main missions field was his home. 1 Corinthians 9:6 states that he was still working even as he went home.

And what about John Mark?

He worked together with Barnabas and he rose to his potential. Perhaps under Paul’s strict leadership he felt stifled. With Barnabas and his familiarity, he began to learn and grow in Christ. We learnt a lot from John Mark later:

Philemon 1:24: And so do Mark, Aristarchus, Demas and Luke, my fellow workers.

This is a turnaround! Paul had considered Mark as someone who did not do the ‘work’, but now Paul not just calls him a worker, but a fellow worker. That means someone who had the same vision, same goal as him.

Colossians 4:10: My fellow prisoner Aristarchus sends you his greetings, as does Mark, the cousin of Barnabas. (You have received instructions about him; if he comes to you, welcome him.)

Not only is Mark considered a fellow worker, Paul recommends him to the churches. More than just a follower, John Mark now has Paul’s blessing to minister to the churches.

2 Timothy 4:11: Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is useful to me for ministry.

From someone who was ‘unworthy’, at the end, Paul considers John Mark as useful/helpful/worthy to be in the ministry. The breach has been sealed, and John Mark has reached his potential.

We know that John Mark became Peter’s scribe and helper (1 Peter 5:13), and from there produced perhaps the greatest testimony of his life: Peter’s account of Jesus, found in the second gospel of the Bible, the Gospel according to Mark.

And of his mentor, Barnabas?

Barnabas came out of this as the person who was correct about John Mark. Paul admits that much that he had been wrong about John Mark. But even the greatest leaders are flawed.

In Galatians 2:11–14, Paul notes a story of Peter, and how he discriminated against the Gentiles when another party of Jews came down. Peter stopped eating with the Gentiles and removed himself from their presence. Paul was obviously angry about this. Not for himself, but to defend the truth of the gospel. That the gospel was for everyone. If the Gentiles saw that only Jews were accepted, they would think that they must become like Jews. Paul’s ministry, unlike Peter’s, was to the Gentiles. These were his sheep, his flock and he went after Peter for this show of hypocrisy. In v13:

And the rest of the Jews also played the hypocrite with him, so that even Barnabas was carried away with their hypocrisy.

Peter was obviously the leader here, so strong was his influence that even a senior minister like Barnabas got carried away. Why didn’t Paul get sucked into the hypocrisy? The same reason why he didn’t think John Mark fit for the ministry. Paul’s style was so gospel centred, he didn’t worry too much about opinions of people. Barnabas, who had probably more empathy for his brothers from Jerusalem, found it more difficult to stand up to this difficult decision. He might have known he was wrong, but he might have reasoned that he wanted to make all parties comfortable. He always thought of other people, and this time, it did not serve him well.

How do we deal with Leadership Conflict?

Some lessons learnt here:

1. Not all conflict is bad. In leadership, be it in church or at work, different people with different strategies would often have different views. This diversified view allows leaders to learn from each other, as Paul learnt from Barnabas and Barnabas learnt from Paul. The important thing is to seek wisdom from the Holy Spirit and put away personal pride. Our strength often has its corresponding weaknesses as well.

2. Paul probably learned from Barnabas to soften his stance for people and to give a person a second chance.

3. Barnabas probably learned from Paul that when it came down to the truth of the gospel, it cannot be compromised for the opinions of people.

4. The Need for a Diversity of strengths

John Piper writes:

Diverse people in the body of Christ need each other’s different strengths.

Is it not a beautiful and encouraging thing that at the beginning of Paul’s Christian life when no one would take a risk on his behalf, Barnabas came forward and saved him for the cause of Christ; but many years later, when Barnabas was falling away from the truth, Paul came forward and saved him for the cause? These men needed each other’s different strengths.

Can either of these men boast over the other? I think not. God has chosen to build a community of diverse people. His aim is not that all the Barnabases become Pauls or that all the Pauls become Barnabases. His aim is that they help each other fight the fight of faith and endure to the end and be saved. His aim is that when one is weak, the other be strong; when the strength of one makes him vulnerable to a corresponding weakness, the other be there with the balancing virtue. And his aim is that we not envy or resent each other, but rejoice in the wisdom of the Spirit who creates and uses and molds us according to his choosing.

So the ministry of Barnabas and Paul was flourishing. Now, we notice one thing, in the beginning of Acts 13, they were referred to as Barnabas and Saul (or Paul). After their ministry at Paphos, where they confronted and blinded the false prophet Bar-Jesus, they were referred to as Paul and Barnabas. It might be that Paul from then on took a more prominent role and became the leader of the mission trip. It’s noteworthy that Barnabas, a great leader in his own right, followed without complaining. Great leaders not only know when to lead, but when to follow as well. He knew his leadership was from God, and he did not let pride get into his head.

The only times after that when Barnabas was referred first was in Lystra (Acts 14:14). It’s interesting that Barnabas was referred to as Zeus and Paul as Hermes, since Hermes is the ‘lesser God’. In this instance, the city believed that Hermes is the messenger of Zeus and would be the one speaking. Since Paul preached more, they concluded him to be the messenger. The other time was in Jerusalem (Acts 15:12), where Barnabas returned to his ‘home turf’ and was probably considered the more senior minister of the two. Otherwise, throughout the mission trip, Paul was the probable leader.

And now, at the point where Paul and Barnabas disagreed, in Acts 15:36. Barnabas wanted to bring John Mark, who had been with them in earlier missions (Acts 12:25, Acts 13:5) but Paul was still concerned over his desertion in Pamphylia (Acts 13:13). We don’t exactly know why he deserted them, but in Acts 13:38, it notes that John Mark had not continued with them in the work.

We pause here to reflect. Having been to missions trip, there’s nothing more difficult than a team member who does not ‘work’. ‘Work’ here means to be dependable. To do what is needed. Not ‘work’ means to not be in the same page. To be even disruptive. I learnt from my first missions trip till now, how to set aside my own preferences and prejudices for the benefit of the team. I’m still learning, but I think I’m a little better now handling situations in missions compared to my first trip. Was John Mark unreliable? Paul certainly thought so. Perhaps John Mark was a young emotional fellow, who promised to do this and that. He would take on new tasks with zeal. He would assure people that he will follow up. He would tell Paul and Barnabas, don’t worry, guys, I’ll handle it.

But when it came to the cruncher, he was no where to be found. Paul had to pick up his slack and preach, while John Mark slept. Barnabas had to help do the children’s ministry as John Mark was stuck in a jam and running late. Both had to clean up the missions chapel as John Mark sauntered in, claiming he had other stuff to look into.

For whatever reasons, Paul thought John Mark unworthy for the ministry. This is a very strong point, because we all know what type of person Paul is. He’s a no-nonsense, in your face, straight up leader. He’s like a pit bull. There was no middle line. He either loved God to an extreme or hated God to an extreme. If you give him the nonsense that John Mark gave, you’re in his doghouse. Paul could be recalling Luke 9:62:

No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.

“John Mark is a quitter,” Paul said. “And we don’t have place for quitters in our ministry.”

Barnabas could have reminded Paul that he was also given a second chance when he first converted, and Barnabas, acting very much in character, wanted to give John Mark a chance. John Mark was also his cousin (Col 4:10), so Barnabas obviously knew John Mark very well and knew the potential in this young man.

I understand Paul’s perspective. We need people we can depend on, as leaders. We need people who will do what they say, come what may. One of the greatest things someone can have is his word. If I give my word to someone that I’ll do something or be somewhere, I’ll do it, even if it means inconveniencing myself. In all our minds, we have a few people in our list of ‘Dependable People’. I’ll fall back to this list when I need help, or when I need some ministry work to be done. Not because of what they say, but because that they have showed it through their actions. These are the ‘go-to-guys’. Is it difficult to give others a chance? Others who have continuously failed to live up to their word? Others who have been giving excuses when it comes to doing work? Others who have disappeared when the going got tough? It is. Because that’s extra work for you to fill in, or to clean up the mess. Paul had a good point.

But Barnabas took the higher road. He was the guy who always said, “One more chance. Come on.”

While Paul might be the leader, Barnabas was the mentor. He was a spiritual parent. He was not so much performance oriented, but people oriented. He wasn’t so much concerned about the end result, he was more concerned of the process. Both great leaders had a different vision. Barnabas’ method might not get his ministry to spread far and wide, like Paul, but it would certainly make him more friends than enemies.

In the last part, we will look at the results and lessons from the conflict between these two spiritual giants.

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